Gray 1

The first gray would have to be called the hot girl on the outside, with the fat girl on the inside.  What a waste of time that was!  Sorry Mom and Dad, it’s not your fault, but I took everything you said to heart.  I’m sure it wasn’t just you guys, but you’ll probably come up quite a bit in future chapters, simply because you’re my parents and I sought approval in all ways from you guys and whether I received it or not, I didn’t realize that I never really needed it.  The reason this is the number one gray is that it reared its ugly head throughout my life.  I’ve been told there has to be something at the root of it.  There has to be one specific incident, or moment in time, which lead to my terrible self-image issues.  I just can’t find it; believe me I’ve looked for it.   All I know is that I wasted my hot girl years thinking I was a fat girl.  Fortunately, in my forties, I feel like a hot girl on the inside, while I’m a fat girl on the outside.  Funny how stuff like that happens, isn’t it?  I have more self-confidence, more good sex, and a lot more fun in my social life than I’ve ever had before.  Incidentally, for anybody wondering, it is true; sex gets better in your late thirties for women, and only gets better.  Sure, I’ll have to deal with menopause in the not to distant future, but I’m pretty sure there’s a great sex light at the end of that tunnel too.   

Another interesting thing I’ve discovered is that it really is okay to end up accidentally not having kids, or to plan to not have them.  I am so lucky to have many friends who are my age who have not had children and are forty-something.  Thank god for the women’s movement, because if not for them, we’d all be feeling like old maids with shit loads of cats running around.  Now, thanks to them, we get to have cats and be single, and it’s not a stigma!  We just have to be careful not to talk about our cats as if they’re our children.  It’s something we all tend to do, especially me, but I’m working on it.  The last thing you want to do is come across as the crazy cat lady.  It helps to find a man who likes cats, and thinks your cats are cool.  They’re out there, I promise.